Circumcision of the Silencer: Communal jokes
A man wanted his new bike to be blessed by a Hindu priest, Mullah and Padre.
So he invited all the three of them to his house.
The Hindu priest lit the camphor and waved it before the bike.
The Padre poured holy water and blessed the bike.
The Mullah came with a hacksaw and cut two inches of the silencer.
Circumcision is the only way to reach Allah.
Postscript: Why is Raymonds not available in Islamic nations?
Because all Muslims are incomplete by two inches.
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Deepak Kamat is Editor in Chief of 'AseemaA', Journal for National Resurgence. Email: deepakastrologer@gmail.com
Fascist Trends in Indian Media
April 14th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Deepak,
It’s not just a joke. See the philosophy behind it.
The Swamiji is lighting up!
The Padre is spreading darkness!!
The Mullah, of course, is doing the destruction!!!
Wonderful, beyond the joke!
April 14th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Let his post be marked for jokes. Anybody can post any jokes here. I love communal jokes.
April 14th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
When you are baptized, you become a Christian
When you are circumcised, you become a Moslem
When you are born, you become a Hindu!
April 15th, 2009 at 11:15 am
If you read news paper you will see so many rib tickiling jokes.
here is one…..
A man in southern India married a female dog in a traditional Hindu ceremony as an attempt to atone for stoning two other dogs to death — an act he believes cursed him — a newspaper reported Tuesday.
P. Selvakumar married the sari-draped former stray named Selvi, chosen by family members and then bathed and clothed for the ceremony Sunday at a Hindu temple in the southern state of Tamil Nadu, the Hindustan Times newspaper said.
Selvakumar, 33, told the paper he had been suffering since he stoned two dogs to death and hung their bodies from a tree 15 years ago.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21768663/
April 15th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Child marriage of daughters 5-6 years old was common due to the custom of dowry and to avoid scandals
[Nand 17]
[Basham 167-8]
[Yadav 70]
[Altekar 16]
[Banerjee 70].
Hindu Law books prescribe that the best partner for a man in one-third his age. Thus a man 18 year old should marry a girl 6 years old! – “A man, aged thirty years, shall marry a maiden of twelve who pleases him, or a man of twenty-four a girl of eight years of age; if (the performance of) his duties would otherwise be impeded, he must marry sooner.”
[Manu IX.94]
This was meant to prevent any scandals. Narada states that some of the defects to be avoided in brides are if they already had a relationship with another man or have their minds set on another, they should not be selected
[Sheth 67].
Hinduism and Pedophilia: Is it funny?
April 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
-May be the Hindu fathers would have attended a Christian pastoral meeting where they taught him about pedophilia, incest and homo sexuality. Pastors across the continents are having sex with their own daughters, and it’s only a matter of time before we have yet another “immaculate conception” and “virgin birth”!
April 15th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
This is a thread for jokes, not superstitions. So let’s continue with the jokes.
Here is what happened when a Muslim complained to Brahma.
WHEN MUSLIM COMPLAINED TO BRAHMA
A PIOUS MUSLIM DIED AND WAS TAKEN TO HEAVEN.
HEAVEN WAS FULL OF HINDU GODS AND HINDUS. HE SEARCHED FOR ALLAH AND MOHAMMED. HIS SEARCH WAS IN VAIN.
SO HE COMPLAINED TO BRAHMA — THE MAYOR OF HEAVEN.
THE MUSLIM COMPLAINED: “SIR, THIS IS INJUSTICE. ISLAM IS THE LARGEST RELIGION IN THE WORLD. YET, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE MOHAMMED AND ALLAH IN HEA VEN. I URGE YOU TO CONSIDER MY DEMAND”.
BRAHMA REPLIED CASUALLY, “DON’T WORRY. HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE”.
THE MUSLIM SHOUTED: “THIS IS SUCH A SERIOUS ISSUE. YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE”.
RELAX, SAID BRAHMA AND CALLED, “MOHAMMED, TWO CUPS OF COFFEE”.
YOU SEE, PROPHET MOHAMMED IS A STEWARD IN HEAVEN’S COFFEE BAR.
April 15th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Brahma married with his daughter, is it true?
April 15th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
The Hindu priest lit the camphor and waved it before the bike. I asked the priest the why he did not cut the silencer. He repled that bcz we worship Ling. It is our god.
April 16th, 2009 at 6:33 am
BTW this is not a joke!
http://www.sandeepweb.com/2009/04/14/teesta-it-hit-your-face/
ha ha ha!
April 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
What women say to their CIRCUMCIZED men.
1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. I’m sorry.
4. Never mind, why bother.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don’t we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It’s more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.
15. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20.(giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought Viagara.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn’t know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won’t take long.
36. Let’s just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you’re done.
50. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it’s hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does this run in your family?
58. I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat???
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Don’t hold back.
HEE HEE! I love the lingam. Sex is natural, sex is fun, UNCIRCUMCISED!
April 16th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
HOW DID ASHRAFF MULAH GET CIRCUMSIZED?
His Ammi kicked his sister in the chin!
April 16th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you’re 13 to come on your face.
____________________________________________________________________
God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on
where to go.
“Why not go to Jupiter?” asked St. Peter.
“No, too much gravity, too much stomping around,” said God.
“Well, how about Mercury?”
“No, it’s too hot there.”
“Okay,” said St. Peter, “What about Earth?”
“No,” said God, “They’re such horrible gossips. When I was
there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they’re
still talking about it.”
April 16th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
SHIT
Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.
Protestantism: shit won’t happen if I work harder.
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?
Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
Islam: if shit happens, blame the infidels.
Hinduism: this shit happened before.
Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit!
April 16th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.
********
Jesus walks into a hotel and throws 4 nails on the counter and says , can you put me up for the night!
********
An elderly Jewish couple was vacationing in Israel in the city of Jerusalem, eager to tour the holy land and all of it’s historic venues, as well as the grave sites of their ancestors. While on the trip, the wife developed a fatal illness and died. Upon arriving at the mortuary, the mortician informed the husband that he could bury the man’s wife in Jerusalem for $59, whereas it would cost $5,000 or more to send her body back to the U.S. for burial.
The husband considered this for some time and finally decided that it would be best to fly her home for burial. Astonished, the mortician asked, what on earth would cause you to spend that much money when you could bury her here for such a small price.
The husband replied, “2000 years ago a man was buried here. 3 days later, many claim he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”
April 16th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Shortest formula:-
1 cross + 3 nails = 4given
April 17th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Enjoy the video
http://theprudentindian.wordpress.com/2009/04/05/pakistan-pants-are-slipping-now/
April 17th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@ Deepak,
Fuck Pakistanis and Fuck islam. It is the most dangerous ideology/region that can devestate mankind.
April 18th, 2009 at 2:01 am
@ It is the most dangerous ideology/region that can devestate mankind.
Christianity is THE MOST DANGEROUS one. Islam competes with it, that’s all.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:09 am
19
Raja Says:
April 18th, 2009 at 2:01 am
@ It is the most dangerous ideology/region that can devestate mankind.
Christianity is THE MOST DANGEROUS one. Islam competes with it, that’s al
GOOD JOKE INDEED RAJA !.
But keep up humour posting !
April 21st, 2009 at 3:42 am
1. ONGOING GENOCIDES
2. RECENT GENOCIDES
2000 YEARS of HELL on EARTH
April 21st, 2009 at 11:07 am
Top Ten Reasons That Beer Is Better Than Jesus:
1) No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
There are laws saying beer labels cannot lie to you.
2) Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.
3) They don’t force beer on minors who cannot think for themselves.
4) Beer has never caused a major war.
5) When you have a beer you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.
6) Nobody has ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over a beer.
7) You don’t have to wait 2000 years for a second beer.
9) You can prove you have a beer.
10) If you are devoted to beer then there are groups who can help you stop.
April 21st, 2009 at 11:18 am
Jesus is comming!
Get a towel!
*****************************
Little Billy came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!”
“What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
23
Lucifer Says:
April 21st, 2009 at 11:18 am
Jesus is comming!
Get a towel!
Dear Bhajrangi brother in lucifers’ attire,
had your appaji used towel when he came on your mother’s cunt you woudnot have been born.
You are born among millions of your would-have brothers or sisters and you are SPECIAL.
Please stop lending your soul to lucifer who will only destroy your soul forever instead love God your creator.
sorry for bitter pill but doctor gives bitter pill to cure disease as you know.
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Dear BROWN RICE CHRISTIAN brother in CHRISTIAN FANATIC attire,
had your BROWN appaji used towel when he came on your mother’s cunt you woudnot have been born
You are born among millions of your BROWN brothers AND sisters and you are SPECIAL so don’t bash your BROWN brothers and sisters BECAUSE you have found your WHITE messiah.
Please stop lending your soul to JESUS who will only destroy your soul forever instead love God your creator.
sorry for bitter pill but doctor gives bitter pill to cure disease as you know.
PS…welcome back my Christian fanatic. I was worried about you for a minute.
April 24th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@Lucifer (bhajrangi monkey in lucifer’s attire) -
Lucifer Says:
April 21st, 2009 at 11:18 am
Jesus is comming!
Get a towel!
Dear Bhajrangi brother in lucifers’ attire,
had your appaji used towel when he came on your mother’s cunt you woudnot have been born.
You are born among millions of your would-have brothers or sisters and you are SPECIAL.
Please stop lending your soul to lucifer who will only destroy your soul forever instead love God your creator.
sorry for bitter pill but doctor gives bitter pill to cure disease as you know.
25
Lucifer Says:
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Dear BROWN RICE CHRISTIAN brother in CHRISTIAN FANATIC attire,
had your BROWN appaji used towel when he came on your mother’s cunt you woudnot have been born
You are born among millions of your BROWN brothers AND sisters and you are SPECIAL so don’t bash your BROWN brothers and sisters BECAUSE you have found your WHITE messiah.
Please stop lending your soul to JESUS who will only destroy your soul forever instead love God your creator.
sorry for bitter pill but doctor gives bitter pill to cure disease as you know.
PS…welcome back my Christian fanatic. I was worried about you for a minute.
Your plight can be understood Because the arrow has hit where it was supposed to. All this anger frustration will lead you to darkness and not light. he joke of towel will eat your brain forever because it has exposed what you are and where you stand exactly.
April 25th, 2009 at 6:55 am
@ love is opposit of hatred
Is that true? Then why did Religion of Love kill 2 BILLION ppl on 6 continents for 2000 Years?
2000 YEARS of HELL on EARTH
April 25th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@bhajrangi monkey in lucifer’s attire Is that true? Then why did Religion of Love kill 2 BILLION ppl on 6 continents for 2000 Years? It is cock and bull story and no takers for that. One more thing christianity never teaches about violence and killing and any religion in this world if teaches about how to fuck one’s daughter it is hinduism (saraswati purana). If any religion teaches waging war instead of love it is hinduism (ramayan and mahabharatha). If any religion which encourages gambling and gamblers it is hinduism (maha bharath where krishna sides the gambler who bet even his wife). If any religion teaches adultary it is hinduism (krishna enjoys fucking thousands of girls and enjoys watching them naked by stealing clothes.). If any religion teaches murders it is hinduism where krishna aides arjun to kill his brother).
stop cribbing about murders when your god themselves are biggest evils if you see.
April 28th, 2009 at 8:59 am
@ It is cock and bull story and no takers for that.
No? It’s not cock and bull NOR Circumcised Cock and Bull story!
Read and get your salvation certificate
1. ONGOING GENOCIDES
2. RECENT GENOCIDES
2000 YEARS of HELL on EARTH
Why 6 million jews were killed
April 28th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
This thread “communal jokes” is definitely not required. It is just giving a chance for people to masturbate. Keep a separate site for this, certainly not under HIndu banner. It is very very absurd to read “shit” things under the Portraits of Great Hindu and Indian leaders. Kamat you are doing a very big mistake, in an effort to stop the ”receding” viewers. continue with your brilliant writing whch started best debates and knowledge, but not the cheap things
May 28th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Hi there,
I’m a Hindu who lives abroad and I’ve seen many different cultural angles of religion. I love being a Hindu because Hinduism is very open-minded, and only goes as far as to SUGGEST a harmonious way of living. It gives cause-effect relationships for the decisions we make daily. I love our chants, rituals, etc. I know that many people slander what it really means to be a Hindu – it’s annoying. But they’ll pay for it someday – karmically.
I have a request, though. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists- we’re all humans, right? We all have a consciousness, emotions, etc. Even though others have incorrectly pointed fingers at us, will it help if we do just that? Maybe we should practice more compassion and logic-based understanding for we, too, have unfairly hurt others by name-calling & worse.
I find circumcision to be cruel because it causes a LOT of pain to a poor little soul who can’t even defend himself. Besides, it’s the baby’s body. How could we snatch away such a personal decision from him? Still, my friend, I suggest that we treat others kindly – with compassion, without making fun of them. Cultural/Racial jokes will only divide us more.
Jai Shri Krishna!
May 29th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@ Rithika and Ooops,
I thought about this. But then humour is also a part of our lives. Let us even take cruel things with a pinch of salt.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Deepak Ji,
You’re right. Humor should be incorporated in our lives because it helps us stay light, almost child-like in a sense. Perhaps we should consider how others will feel when they read humor. I personally think that many Muslims/Christians would be offended by reading the jokes above. And Hinduism teaches us about unity and harmony – maybe, someday, when we are ALL in harmony with each other, we can make fun of each other and laugh together. But Ritika thinks that will take some time, a lot of compassion and much-needed sensitivity.
God Bless.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Sometimes jokes also helps us to connect with our true selves. Maybe, these jokes will also help the Muzzis and Christians discover thier mistakes. Hope, Why not hope? You have to try out several techniques for reforms. Humour can also make us realise our own mistakes. It need not be crass and vulgar.
Compassion and sensitivity are very much needed. But humour and compassion need not be poles apart. They can be mutually exclusive.
July 5th, 2009 at 10:08 am
This so dumb coming from a pagan worshipper and who is ignorant of other cultures. Even the Jewish and Orthodox Christians circumise too.
July 5th, 2009 at 10:24 am
@ Suresh, What’s wrong in a joke? Even I know the facts.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Hindus are the worshipper of circumcised Ling or uncircumcised Ling?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:57 am
@ Khursheed
Lingam represents the positive force while Yoni represents the passive force in creation. Circumcision is just physical.
February 13th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
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